Positive Parenting-Nurturing A Healthy Family

  Make family meal time a priority. Research shows that families who eat together at least five times a week are healthier, closer and better adjusted than families who dine together less often.
 Studies show that families who participate in regular family meals eat more fruits and vegetables. They eat less fat, trans-fat and soda. The are less likely to become obese and suffer the chronic health problems associated with obesity.
 Just as important, however, are the psychological benefits of the family dinner table, especially for children. Regular family meals offer children a comforting routine that can result in a healthy self-esteem and fewer behavior problems. Children learn and practice their manners, build communication skills, and increase their vocabulary at the family dinner table, helping them do better in school.
  Teens who regularly eat with their family are less likely to smoke, drink and do drugs. They tend to spend less time with boyfriends and girlfriends and are less likely to have sexually active friends. Teenage girls who eat with their family suffer less from Depression and eating disorders and are less likely to have a boyfriend two or more years older.
  Family dining opens the lines of communication, instills family values, fosters togetherness, and eases family stress and tensions. Families that interact at dinner bond better and know more about each other than a houseful of strangers who grab dinner on the run or eat in front of the TV. For today's busy  families, mealtime may be the only family time that can be squeezed into busy schedules. Make a point of it.
  Set a goal. Aim for family meals at least five times a week. Have fun with it. Let the kids help choose and prepare meals. Enjoy picnics, barbacues,  trips to the pizza parlor, and weekend brunches. Turn off the TV. Create a relaxing environment. Ask questions but save the lectures. Build relationships and memories. Create a healthy, close and well adjusted family. Dine together tonight.
        
  

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

  Almost everybody responds positively to it. It builds self esteem and self confidence. It opens lines of communication, strengthening relationships. It's the secret to improving kids' behavior. It's free and takes only seconds of your time.
 Positive reinforcement, or praise, encourages children to do the best they can and be the best they can be. It shows that you appreciate them and their efforts. Children want to please their parents and caregivers and behavior that is recognized and praised is repeated. Even the most poorly behaved children respond to praise if someone will take the time to find a reason to praise them.
  Furthermore, praise and encouragement open the doors to wonderful conversations. Children who feel accepted are more likely to open up to parents and caregivers who they feel will not judge them. Communication is vital to healthy relationships and happy families.
 For many of us, praise doesn't come naturally. However, the effort it takes to learn to praise properly is well worth the rewards heaped upon you in the years to come. Here are some tips:
          Be enthusiastic. Use a pleasant voice. Make eye contact. Smile. Use simple language and sound       like you mean it.
          Never follow praise with a “but...” ( ex. “Your painting is pretty, but you ruined your clothes.”). The negative cancels out the positive and the purpose of the praise is lost.
           Praise the effort, not the end results. A child who doesn't win should still be praised for trying.
           Praise the behavior, not the child. Examples are “Good job.” “Nice jump!” and “Look at that!”.
Never say “Good boy” or “Good girl”. A child's sense of worth should be based on who they are, not by how they behave. Bad behavior shouldn't make a child think he or she is bad.
           Don't overdo it. Save the most lavish praise for better than average behavior and extra effort. Children do not need to learn to expect praise every time they behave.
           Don't forget another kind of praise: praise for being. Phrases such as “I love you.” and “Thanks for being my kid.” help children feel cherished and appreciated, giving then even more reason to be eager to please.
   Begin today and watch the miraculous changes that occur with just a few kind words. Help your kids feel good about themselves. Strengthen those relationships. Open up those lines of communication. Build confidence. Start now with the power of praise.


P.S. It works on husbands too!

All toddlers throw a temper tantrum in the grocery store. All preschoolers color on the walls. All kids try to shoplift. All babies eat playdough. All toddlers get a crayon stuck up their nose. All kids try to lie. All kids will test the limits to learn what the limits are. Consistency gives them comfort knowing they can depend on you.

The Rights Of A Child

A child has a right to be happy and loved,
Be safe and protected from harm,
Be cradled in arms that will sacrifice all,
Be free from all stress and alarm.

Deserving of food when he's hungry and cold,
To live in a world without fear,
To spend happy moments in effortless play,
To know that his parents are near.

So many today never know this to be,
They live like a bird on a wire,
For love and protection has vanished from them,
They live on the edge of a fire.

And millions of others, before they are born,
Snuffed out in the blink of an eye,
When women who say they have rights of their own,
Decide if they live or they die.

All children are precious, a gift from above,
Those with us and those yet unborn,
And how they are treated is all up to us,
Protect them, for we have been warned.

"Offend one small child", the scripture has said,
"And it would be better for thee,
That you have a millstone be placed on your neck,
And drowned in the depths of the sea".

Strong words you may say, but they come from our God,
A serious matter with Him,
For every small child has God-given rights,
Denying them would be a sin.

He said, "Let the children all come unto Me,
And hinder them not in their way,
For all of the kingdom of Heaven is theirs,"
Let's guide them so they will not stray.

by David Ronald Bruce Pekrul

The "Do as I say, not as I do" philosophy is very difficult for young minds to accept. Children want fairness. Therefore household rules should be designed for the whole family. A family meeting should be called to create a rules and consequences list to be posted in a clear place, such as a bulletin board or the fridge. Children should be allowed to provide input but parents have the final say.

Keep the rules simple. Keep the punishments as appropriate as possible. State the rules in a positive way.

Here are some examples:

For very young children:

   1. Be nice, or time out.

   2. Treat your toys well, or they will break or be taken away.

   3. Use inside voices inside, or you will be sent to your room to yell.

For school age children:

   1. Pick up after yourselves, or your things can disappear or be thrown away

   2. Respect others' property. If you break something that doesn't belong to you, because of    your own carelessness, you will need to earn the money to replace it.

   3. Be kind to others. If you hurt somebody, you will be expected to do something nice for them.

For teens:

   1. Obey the law, including local curfews, or you will be expected to perform "community service hours".

   2. Do your best in school (or work), or you will have to spend extra time studying (or working) at home before you can go out.

   3. No work, no play.

Remember to be consistent. If you ignore the rules one day, don't expect to be able to enforce them the next. Children are happier and better behaved when they know exactly what is expected of them. To be the most effective, family rules and consequences  should be followed by the WHOLE family. No excuses! And let your children see you suffer the consequences of broken rules. This can set an excellent example.

By changing your goals. Is your goal to teach your kid to behave now, or to raise your little infant to be a happy, healthy, well adjusted, self sufficient productive member of society? Are you going to punish your toddler for breaking something, or are you going to keep breakables out of reach? Will you ground your son for missing the school bus AGAIN, or are you going to start waking him up 15 minutes earlier? Will you punish your teen daughter for not dressing out for gym, or will you let her learn her lesson when she has to take gym in summer school?

Kids will be kids and they will make poor decisions and try you. It's part of the learning process. A little proactive parenting will go a long way and relieve a lot of bad emotions within your family.

Do your kids always have an excuse for why they can't clean their rooms before going out? Perhaps "a friend is waiting". Or they have something to do. Maybe they just sneak out when you are distracted. When you finally get them in their rooms, everything gets shoved under the bed or in the closet. There IS a cure for childhood, and spousal, laziness.

All you need is a few minutes and some garbage bags. Everything that is not school (or work) related, that is out of place, gets put in the bag and "mysteriously disappears" for a while. Perhaps the things got lost, because they weren't in the proper place. This can work for one or two things or a roomful. Children (and spouses) learn to respect and take care of their possessions and learn that you mean business.

 It doesn't take a lot of money to create wonderful memories with your children, whether or not the recent economic recession is forcing you to cut back. Quality time with your children is vital and new experiences can be growth inspiring and educational. Try some of these economic friendly suggestions to strengthen your family without weakening your wallet.

   1.  Explore your local parks and playgrounds. Utilize the services. Some parks loan sporting   equipment. Many state parks offer camping and hiking. Some parks offer free movie night or outdoor concerts. Watch a little league game.

   2.  Picnic in a field. Bring a kite, frisbee, football, lunch.Listen to music. Play a harmonica.Play tag with the kids.

   3.  Take a trip to the library. Play research. Go at storytime.

   4.  Visit your local beach, lake or swimming hole. Swim, boat, fish, picnic.

   5. Visit your local free and donation only museums and nature preserves.

   6. Find out what the local schools have been up to. Attend a high school ball game or a Junior High musical.

   7.Volunteer. Work builds character. Volunteering builds self esteem and fulfills the need to belong and be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Try a walkathon, which often has entertainment afterward. Volunteer at the zoo or Humane Society, to keep it interesting. Join the clean the park parties.

   8.  Join a workshop at Lowes or Home Depot.

   9. Join an arts and crafts workshop at Michaels or AC Moore.

   10. Go sledding, shoe skating, body boarding, tubing.

   11. Take your kids to Sunday school, church, and church socials

   12. Take a drive and see something new.

   It doesn't take a lot of money to enjoy your kids or make memories that last a lifetime.